Recuperation.

I'm holed up away from the world with a stack of books, fresh air, and lots of quiet. I'll get the results of the success of my surgical procedure later this week. I'm trying not to think about it. I am however reading more about macrobiotic principles and healing with food. I do not want to have to go through this again if I can help it, and thousands of people who have beat disease using diet give me hope that I can get better and stay that way by simply adjusting my lifestyle away from foods that inhibit or distract the immune system from it's primary job: keeping me healthy and whole.
I've read a little more on nightshade vegetables, and I'm still not wholly convinced that they're all bad. Tomatoes, at least organic locally grown heirloom varieties, do not seem to have too many detrimental effects when eaten in season and sparingly. Peppers on the other hand seem to have several compounds than can interfere with the factors in white blood cells that attack and destroy tissue that is abnormal. So for now, no peppers for me. Potatoes also seem to be mostly alright in moderation and in season as long as they are stored away from light and do not develop sprouts or any green pigment. The chemicals in the developing eyes is fairly toxic, even when cooked. Eggplants are proving elusive, I can't find any specific information on them, but again, in season and local in moderation may be alright.

The waiting game:T minus 20.

I'm about ready to start shuffling about responsibilities onto volunteers for an indefinite period. Probably only a few days, but plan for the worst, hope for the best right? My baby is going to stay with the grandparents (the furry baby that is.) The scaly one is fine for a week or so without me. I'm taking my car out to my chosen recuperation place and will drive back into town tonight with my "responsible adult with appropriate vehicle." I can't eat or drink anything after midnight, (I'm starting to wonder if they think I'll multiply and turn into a gremlin) and I can't even drink water in the morning before my surgery. I was hoping for a calming cup of tea, but no. Ugh.
Tonight when I get back, I'm cooking dinner and packing up food, and going shopping for the week. The past few days have convinced me that there's something to this macrobiotic movement. The anxiety and general unease I've had has minimized rather than increased. I'm not sure whether it's the food or a product of the acceptance stage. Either way, I'm committed. Now where'd I put my cup of bancha? (They call it kukicha at Tao of Tea.) Seriously, you should try this stuff! It's very low caffeine, excellent taste and alkalinizing as well. It's as good cool as warm, so if I misplace my cup, it's just as tasty when I find it half an hour later!

Kitchen purge aftermath.

So I have a box in front of me. The last vestiges of new no-nos from what I thought was an already ridiculously healthy kitchen. The sight makes me not just a bit irritated with myself for doing this, and also makes my stubborn part more determined out of spite for the weaker voice clinging to comfort foods. The organic unbleached (but still white) flour I can part with easily. No heartache over white and processed flours. Salt and oil cured olives cause a little twinge, but not too bad, ditto the jar of roasted red peppers. Salt and fats are taboo, as are nightshades (tomatoes, eggplant, potatoes, and peppers) in any large quantity. The pain comes when I get to three things. Two walk hand in hand: coconut milk along with powder, green paste, and red chili paste curries (I'm a curry junkie). Curries are my cold weather staple. They warm me to my toes and give me a lovely endorphin high. And the saturated fat in coconut milk and immunoirritants in curry place them high on the do-not-eat list. Third and definitely the most despair inciting, cocoa powder. Ghirardelli Sweet Ground Chocolate & Cocoa and -my heart lurches- a full canister of Dagoba organic cacao powder. Oh. My. Lord and lady. That one really really hurts. Mexican cocoa, the real homemade kind is my supreme self-love gesture. The caffeine alone makes it verboten, but it also apparently contains other compounds that aggravate the immune system. Now I'm giving it up as a more supreme gesture of self-love. So it begins: whole grains, vegetables, beans, limited temperate climate fruits, yoga, meditation, and avoidance of excessive or negatively stressful stimulus. Little or no caffeine, sugar, white flours, nightshade vegetables (though there's some debate on this point, it bears more research), strong spices, processed food, or animal foods.

T minus 84 hours. Commencing the kitchen purge... in 10...

So far since my diagnosis, I've bombarded the library with requests, laughed and cried, and managed to avoid actually making any lasting changes to the kitchen. Tonight I'm raiding the fridge and cupboards. The casualties are most likely going to make their way over to my sisters house. They're taking up a piscivorous diet: mostly vegetarian with some sea critters. I just picked up "Foods that Fight Pain" by Dr. Neal Barnard, M.D. It was the final little push I needed to get the battle joined. His dietary suggestions for cancer, immune disorders, and hormone related diseases is all largely the same. I just need to do it. I am sick and tired of being sick and tired. This all started with my bout with shingles in January. The low energy, poor digestion and frequent illness, and now what I'm calling my "mutation" ('cause I don't know and refuse to believe that it is cancer) should be motivation enough but I'm a stubborn woman sometimes. I did actually give up caffeine with one slip last Saturday in the form of a cup of coffee. And a latte that afternoon. And then by accident of habit the next morning, but strangely enough, that last one tasted so hideous I've had no problem since drinking my bancha tea. No caffeine at all. That said... I may feel different in a couple of hours when I'm staring at a box of the things I'm making a commitment to give up for good at home. Here goes nothin...

Facing Fear.

Today I scheduled surgery for treatment of a precancerous condition. My doctor said that there's a high likelihood that this will prevent any cancer from developing, but she also said that she can't say that it isn't cancer already until after the surgery. I could panic. I haven't yet. I may still be in shock. My biopsy was a week ago. Today I got the results. Two and a half weeks from now I go into surgery. That's not a lot of time to process. I have however made the decision to adopt a macrobiotic healing diet and lifestyle. This blog is me giving myself a forum to share my experience, and hopefully connect with others who have faced similar challenges.
After my appointment this morning, I indulged in some retail therapy. I bought myself a stainless steel pressure cooker for grains and such, and a spiffy new chef's knife to motivate me to cook for myself. I packed away all the cookbooks that don't fit the healing phase of macrobiotic cooking, and gave my current tomes pride of place. Christina Pirello's Cooking the Whole Foods Way and The Hip Chicks Guide to Macrobiotics. I also kept out Katz's Wild Fermentation and Braunstein's Sprout Garden. From the Library I ordered two of Mishio Kushi's books on macrobiotic healing diets, and The Kind Diet by Alicia Silverstone, which has a section on macro life.
Now I'm sitting here staring at a computer screen wondering why I'm not asleep... as I take a sip of what will be my last latte for quite awhile. I suspect that this will be the hardest of my life habits to give up. I have a weakness for soy latte's.